For you sweet baby... I miss you so much.

5/28/2008

the last few golden leaves are clinging

tightly to their branches

like they don't want to let go

like they don't trust

what they don't know

what they don't know '

cause it's not quite winter

and it's not quite fall

and even though it's been a year

i cannot pass you by

not at all

i tell myself enough

my heart can't feel

the reason why must we into the darkest season

it's cold

getting colder

i dreamt last night of being older

i looked in the mirror there was so much grey

if i saw you tomorrow what would i say

what could you say

it's not quite winter

and it's not quite fall

and even though it's been a year

i cannot pass you by

not at all

i tell myself enough

my heart can't feel

the reason why must we into the darkest season

the darkest season

it's not that i'm not thankful

or grateful for what we've grown

it's not that i'm not living my life alright on my own

i just feel the empty space

i still feel the wind blow through

i just thought in any case that i'd always know you

it's not quite winter
and it's not quite fall
and even though it's been a year
i cannot pass you by
not at all
i tell myself enough
my heart can't feel
the reason why must we into the darkest season
the darkest season

the darkest season

- Deb Talan

This is for you audio-bookers!

You all need to get The Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett. It's only 3 hours of listening time, and is quite entertaining. I highly recommend it. :)
I especially think that Pammy and Jen will enjoy it.

The Glory of Easter

Crown him with many crowns

Crown him with many crowns,
the Lamb upon his throne,
Hark! how the heavenly anthem drowns
all music but its own.
Awake, my soul, and sing
of him who died for thee,
and hail him as thy matchless King
through all eternity.

Crown him the Lord of life,
who triumphed o'er the grave,
and rose victorious in the strife
for those he came to save.
His glories now we sing,
who died, and rose on high,
who died, eternal life to bring,
and lives that death may die.

Crown him the Lord of love;
behold his hands and side,
those wounds, yet visible above,
in beauty glorified.
All hail, Redeemer, hail!
For thou hast died for me;
thy praise and glory shall not fail
throughout eternity.


Revelation 1:4-18

Grace and peace to you from him who is, and who was, and who is to come, and from the seven spirits before his throne, and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth.
To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.
Look, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him; and all the peoples of the earth will mourn because of him. So shall it be! Amen.
"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty."
I, John, your brother and companion in the suffering and kingdom and patient endurance that are ours in Jesus, was on the island of Patmos because of the word of God and the testimony of Jesus. On the Lord's Day I was in the Spirit, and I heard behind me a loud voice like a trumpet, which said: "Write on a scroll what you see and send it to the seven churches: to Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia and Laodicea."
I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw seven golden lampstands, and among the lampstands was someone "like a son of man,"dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and out of his mouth came a sharp double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.
When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: "Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.




In Christ Alone
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Good Friday

Hebrews 9:1-14, 18-28, 10:14-31, 35-37
Now the first covenant had regulations for worship and also an earthly sanctuary. A tabernacle was set up. In its first room were the lamp stand, the table and the consecrated bread; this was called the Holy Place. Behind the second curtain was a room called the Most Holy Place, which had the golden altar of incense and the gold-covered ark of the covenant. This ark contained the gold jar of manna, Aaron's staff that had budded, and the stone tablets of the covenant. Above the ark were the cherubim of the Glory, overshadowing the atonement cover. But we cannot discuss these things in detail now.
When everything had been arranged like this, the priests entered regularly into the outer room to carry on their ministry. But only the high priest entered the inner room, and that only once a year, and never without blood, which he offered for himself and for the sins the people had committed in ignorance. The Holy Spirit was showing by this that the way into the Most Holy Place had not yet been disclosed as long as the first tabernacle was still standing. This is an illustration for the present time, indicating that the gifts and sacrifices being offered were not able to clear the conscience of the worshiper. They are only a matter of food and drink and various ceremonial washings—external regulations applying until the time of the new order.
When Christ came as high priest of the good things that are already here, he went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not man-made, that is to say, not a part of this creation. He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves; but he entered the Most Holy Place once for all by his own blood, having obtained eternal redemption. The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!
When Moses had proclaimed every commandment of the law to all the people, he took the blood of calves, together with water, scarlet wool and branches of hyssop, and sprinkled the scroll and all the people. He said, "This is the blood of the covenant, which God has commanded you to keep."In the same way, he sprinkled with the blood both the tabernacle and everything used in its ceremonies. In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.
It was necessary, then, for the copies of the heavenly things to be purified with these sacrifices, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these. For Christ did not enter a man-made sanctuary that was only a copy of the true one; he entered heaven itself, now to appear for us in God's presence. Nor did he enter heaven to offer himself again and again, the way the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year with blood that is not his own. Then Christ would have had to suffer many times since the creation of the world. But now he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself. Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.
Because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.
The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: "This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds."Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more." And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," and again, "The Lord will judge his people." It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay.

Book of Common Prayer:

Let us commit ourselves to God, and pray for the grace of a holy life, that, with all who have departed this world and have died in the peace of Christ, and those whose faith is known to God alone, we may be accounted worthy to enter into the fullness of the joy of our Lord, and receive the crown of life in the day of resurrection.

O God of unchangeable power and eternal light: Look favorably on your whole Church, that wonderful and sacred mystery; by the effectual working of your providence, carry out in tranquility the plan of salvation; let the whole world see and know that things which were cast down are being raised up, and things which had grown old are being made new, and that all things are being brought to their perfection by him through whom all things were made, your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.


We glory in your cross, O Lord, and praise and glorify your holy resurrection;
for by virtue of your cross joy has come to the whole world.
May God be merciful to us and bless us, show us the light of his countenance, and come to us.
Let your ways be known upon earth, your saving health among all nations.
Let the peoples praise you, O God; let all the peoples praise you.
We glory in your cross, O Lord, and praise and glorify your holy resurrection;
for by virtue of your cross joy has come to the whole world.

We adore you, O Christ, and we bless you,
because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.
If we have died with him, we shall also live with him;
if we endure, we shall also reign with him.




O Almighty God, who pourest out on all who desire it the spirit of grace and of supplication: Deliver us, when we draw near to thee, from coldness of heart and wanderings of mind,that with steadfast thoughts and kindled affections we may worship thee in spirit and in truth; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Traveling...

Oh, so much traveling!
I just got back from Alaska, visiting my sister's family. It was a beautiful thing.
Every time I go up there I think, "I could live here!"... who knows, maybe someday.
I don't have any pictures yet because we took them all on my sister's rockin' new camera. She will be sending me the CD soon, hopefully (hint, hint) so I can show you all my adorable nieces and nephew.
I love the Fraleys!!
Before that Jeff and I had a great time in Sacramento/San Diego visiting our dearly loved college buds. Also a rockin' good time. (I think I should stop using the word rockin'... it's not working so well, eh?)
Next week Jeff and I are headed to Bend with his family for some skiing and hopefully some sort of relaxation.
Honestly, I'm starting to look forward to being at home this summer!
We just have WAY to many people we love that live far away.
How about you all move to Portland?!
Come on... you know you want to....

The green light for the baby train!

That's right folks. I AM SO RELIEVED!
After 16 of the most horrible, depressing weeks of dealing with post-miscarriage hormone issues, my levels are finally normal!! Woohoo. My doctor gave us the green light for trying again - this time with a little help from my friend the progesterone pill.
So, keep us in your prayers these next few months, we'll be needing them!
Oh, and please don't ask me every week "pregnant yet?!", because that's not helpful. We'll let y'all know. :)
Thanks for praying for us!

Blast from the past

My sister has been gifting me movies from our childhood - and it's great!!

I love rewatching all the hokey movies we grew up on! It made me want to post a list of all the great ones we watched over and over and over.



Keep in mind that "great" is a relative term :)



Anne of Green Gables
The Gnome Mobile
Ladyhawke
Short Circuit
Batteries Not Included
Cocoon
Karate Kid (I & II only)
The Ewok Adventure
The Buttercream Gang
Stand By Me
Breakfast Club
Pretty in Pink
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
The Abyss
Adventures in Babysitting
Space Camp
The Secret of Nimh
Return to Oz
Wargames
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Willow
Princess Bride
The Neverending Story
Baby Boom
Back to the Future
Big
Batman
Dead Poet's Society
Swing Kids
Labyrinth
The Last Starfighter
The Dark Crystal
Ferris Buller's Day Off
Can't Buy Me Love

Ha! They're Great!

Did I miss any??

The Season of Lent

A couple of years ago I received the Book of Common Prayer from my in-laws for Christmas. I requested it due to the prayers I had found in it at one time, and treasured. I've been gradually warming to the catholic litanies and have really valued how this little book has met my needs in several times of personal crisis. It's a little gem that a lot of evangelicals don't know very well.

I was looking up the Season of Lent, which I didn't know much about, and loved this liturgy for Ash Wednesday that I wanted to post. The Book of Common Prayer is available online if you want to explore it further.

Let us pray.
Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have made and forgive the sins of all who are penitent: Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Joel 2:1-2, 12-17, Isaiah 58:1-12
Psalm 103,
2 Corinthians 5:20-6:10
Matthew 6:1-21

Dear People of God: The first Christians observed with great devotion the days of our Lord's passion and resurrection, and it became the custom of the Church to prepare for them by a
season of penitence and fasting. This season of Lent provided a time in which converts to the faith were prepared for Holy Baptism. It was also a time when those who, because of notorious sins, and had been separated from the body of the faithful were reconciled by penitence and forgiveness, and restored to the fellowship of the Church. Thereby, the whole congregation was put in mind of the message of pardon and absolution set forth in the Gospel of our Savior, and of the need which all Christians continually have to renew their repentance and faith. I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God's holy Word. And, to make a right beginning of repentance, and as a mark of our mortal nature, let us now kneel before the Lord, our maker and redeemer.


Almighty God, you have created us out of the dust of the earth: Grant that these ashes may be to us a sign of our mortality and penitence, that we may remember that it is only by your gracious gift that we are given everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.

Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

Psalm 51 Miserere mei, Deus
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your loving-kindness;
in your great compassion blot out my offenses.
Wash me through and through from my wickedness
and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against you only have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight.
And so you are justified when you speak
and upright in your judgment
Indeed, I have been wicked from my birth,
a sinner from my mother's womb.
For behold, you look for truth deep within me,
and will make me understand wisdom secretly.
Purge me from my sin, and I shall be pure;
wash me, and I shall be clean indeed.
Make me hear of joy and gladness,
that the body you have broken may rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence
and take not your holy Spirit from me.
Give me the joy of your saving help again
and sustain me with your bountiful Spirit.
I shall teach your ways to the wicked,
and sinners shall return to you.
Deliver me from death, O God,
and my tongue shall sing of your righteousness,
O God of my salvation.
Open my lips, O Lord, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.
Had you desired it, I would have offered sacrifice;
but you take no delight in burnt-offerings.
The sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.


Most holy and merciful Father: We confess to you and to one another, and to the whole communion of saints in heaven and on earth, that we have sinned by our own fault in thought, word, and deed; by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.

We have not loved you with our whole heart, and mind, and strength. We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We have not forgiven others, as we have been forgiven.
Have mercy on us, Lord.
We have been deaf to your call to serve, as Christ served us. We have not been true to the mind of Christ. We have grieved your Holy Spirit.
Have mercy on us, Lord.

We confess to you, Lord, all our past unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of our lives, We confess to you, Lord.
Our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation of other people,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our anger at our own frustration, and our envy of those more fortunate than ourselves,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and our dishonesty in daily life and work, We confess to you, Lord.
Our negligence in prayer and worship, and our failure to commend the faith that is in us,
We confess to you, Lord.
Accept our repentance, Lord, for the wrongs we have done:
for our blindness to human need and suffering, and our indifference to injustice and cruelty, Accept our repentance, Lord.
For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
For our waste and pollution of your creation, and our lack of concern for those who come after us, Accept our repentance, Lord.
Restore us, good Lord, and let your anger depart from us;
Favorably hear us, for your mercy is great.
Accomplish in us the work of your salvation,
That we may show forth your glory in the world.

By the cross and passion of your Son our Lord,
Bring us with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection.

Almighty God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who desires not the death of sinners, but rather that they may turn from their wickedness and live, declares and pronounces to his people, being penitent, the absolution and remission of their sins. He pardons and absolves all those who truly repent, and with sincere hearts believe his holy Gospel.
Therefore we beseech him to grant us true repentance and his Holy Spirit, that those things may please him which we do on this day, and that the rest of our life hereafter may be pure and holy, so that at the last we may come to his eternal joy; through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Another summer alone?

So, as you all read on Jeff's blog, he will be gone again this summer. The letter we received the other day said that he will be posted in Astoria, which is closer than last time and, thankfully, they are providing housing for him (no crazy old men watching polka 24 hours a day). I've never been to Astoria, so it will be fun to have an excuse to get out there this summer.
But, for the most part, I'll be puttering around the house.
If anyone wants to come visit me, I have every other week off! My friend Liz will get out here, but I'm hopeful that a few other people can come stay as well.
Joy is probably moving out in July, which means that I'll be alone in the house for the first time since I moved to Oregon in July of 2003! I've been lucky enough to have people staying with us every time Jeff is away.
I just had a thought.... Maybe this will be the summer I finally get a dog!
I'm planning on spending a lot of time in my garden, finishing my piano book, really buckling down on my french, and finishing my french history books. If you have any grand ideas of things I can do to occupy myself, let me know!

On Modern Art

Concerning the Spiritual In Art:
The Movement of the Triangle by Wassily Kandinsky

"In the search for method, the artist goes still further. Art becomes so specialized as to be comprehensible only to artists, and they complain bitterly of public indifference to their work. For since the artist in such times has no need to say much, but only to be notorious for some small originality and consequently lauded by a small group of patrons and connoisseurs (which incidentally is also a very profitable business for him), there arise a crowd of gifted and skillful painters, so easy does the conquest of art appear. In each artistic circle are thousands of such artists, of whom the majority seek only for some new technical manner, and who produce millions of works of art without enthusiasm, with cold hearts and souls asleep.
Competition arises. The wild battle for success becomes more and more material. Small groups who have fought their way to the top of the chaotic world of art and picture-making entrench themselves in the territory they have won. The public, left far behind, looks on bewildered, loses interest and turns away."


Isn't it refreshing to have a real artist, a pioneer, validate what you feel (most of the time) as you walk through a modern art museum?

The Black Hole of the Internet

It's unsettling how addicting Facebook is. I'm wasting my time online when i have too much to do around the house.

The Clear Frame of Reality

My husband complained this morning that I never show him my poetry book - he's not allowed to look. So, I thought I'd throw him a bone and actually post for all the world to see a poem I wrote for him a while ago, and three of my first ever attempts at haiku.

For Jeff-

Poetry has fled from me
in light of you
the clear dawn
from bitter winter
into sweet delightful intensity -
because words have become
a languid, tepid vanity
that no longer inspire like you do.
Longing attained
from the corners of my dreams
fears and uncertainties
flee from you
and finally
I am left with an intoxicating silence
that pierces my soul with relief
and joy.


Haiku 1:

memory seeps creaks
open shut rot sweet deep thoughts
a long sigh goodbye


Haiku 2:

two far-flung ships tossed
crash illusions of grandeur
burn sinking covered


Haiku 3:

fear quests longing
pretty eyes pretty teeth hide
behind smiles blinks me

My sister rocks the casbah

I finally checked her blog for the first time in a month or so and found a wealth of wisdom.
Read this article she wrote about the Internet and teenagers: Pammy's thoughts.

One of the worst books ever written?

I defy anyone to tell me that they thought this book was good, or even entertaining for that matter.
I understand that I'm excessively critical of most fiction, but COME ON!
This book was terrible. I couldn't even choke the whole thing down, finally skimming through the last 300 pages or so to see how Mr. Goodkind would wrap up the melodramatic mess he created. I hated all the characters, finding them trivial, childish and cliche. Story plots include a "seeker of truth" and his weapon the "sword of truth" which pronounced and affirmed the main characters "righteous anger", a heroine who could kill her victims with love, torture and oh so much more. And this is the first in a trilogy! I'd rather be shot than read them all through.
I have also just discovered that they produced a TV series based upon the trilogy that aired this past year. I'm sure they'll skip all the horrifying parts of the book (ie: torture etc.), but still.
I'm sure Jeff has more to say about this mess.

Back In The Saddle Again

Let's hope that 2009 is less disappointing, more interesting, and much "fuller" than 2008. I'm looking forward to a year of growth and adventures. Jeff and I have a lot of tentative plans for this year and, while I hate New Years Resolutions, I do have several goals I hope to accomplish. One of which being keeping this a bit more updated.
I want to find a better template, so pass any helpful websites my way. I want a three column blog to synthesize all my information into an easier to read format.